85th Day of 2015 and i am just gonna do my best to post when i can.

LoI work very hard and i am no longer gonna beat myself up for sometimes just being too exhausted to type an entry. This Blog is still a priority but i can't keephating myself everytime o miss posting. I do promise myself that i will post whenever i can and i am not feeling hella drained and drowsy. I don't ever want to lose sight of why i resurrected this blog. To give myself to vent and express myself creatively. That check i get is what motivates me to make my hobby that pays me a priority of sorts. Now if i could only come up with a workout routine i'd have my third hobby too. Definitely something i plan on working on. I also really want.to start up drawing again but truly haven't a clue as to where to begin. Plus i have an anxiety on what if i am not good enough. I want to be really good in the arts...it's a dream of mine. I want to enjoy creating and i want people to enjoy what i create. I really don't know otf i'll ever get to that point. I really just want to be the very beat at what i love..,but o honestly lacl the talent. I can admit that...even though it hurts. Okay poetry ad then posting time.

               Why I Do What I Do

Never wanna go back.
To the place where all i knew was lack.

Ready for better days
Want to enjoy life in every possible way

Now that ihave been blessed.
I will no longer settle for less.

I deserve happiness and stability.
I wil pursueboth to the best of my ability.

Welp it sucked but it rhymed...ugh...i just wanna be talented. Used to think i was now i just don't anymore. Thanks for the reads.

                            Blessings, Chelle <3

81st Day 2015 and it is unbearably hot.

LooUgh...glad the freezing temps are gone but now they've been replaced with scorching temps which aren't better in the least. I go to bed sweating up a storm all the time now...It is really unpleasant trying to sleep when you're hot. It is a struggle of tossing and turning and trying to keep cool and it goes on all night. Ugh...i envy people with working ac's Fans don't do shit. Anywho...blogging has proven to be more difficult than i initially hoped. especially blogging when uncomfortable or tired is proving to be quite the task. Yesterday exhaustion and discomfort made me their bitch. I typed that poor excuse for a blog and immediately fell asleep. I hate feeling whipped like that. Particularly when it comes to a hobby that is important to me. I am trying tonight to produce a decent entry. This wil have to be it because i am once again feeling hot sweaty and drowsy. I will write my poem and be done.

                  Hard To Attain

Inspiration is so very rare.

I search for it sometimes yet can't find it anywhere.

Seems like i am wasting my time.

To find that...purpose, that honest reason to rhyme.

I fear that maybe it isn't my gift.

That grim thought put a rain cloud over me that i can't seem to lift.

My life is art and the love and practice of it.

The inner flame i have within my soul will be snuffed out and it will deaden my spirit.

If i realize only have the love and not the talent.

They just keep getting worse... :/ Oh inspiration i wish you would come to me more often. I might actually start to think that i have talent. That would feel good. To feel as if i am touching lives. Thanks for reading as always.

                       Blessings, Chelle <3

                   

    

80th Day of 2015 and it is crazy how tired and hot i am.

I miss air conditioning...it blows living in florida. I am literally laying in a puddle of my own sweat. I feel wet and gross. Fans just don't cut it in this sweltering type weather. I am so done with everything. blogging...everything. I am only kidding a little. no poem or length today...too hot and too tired.
 
                       

79Th Day of 2015 and i am really pissed at me for missing the 78th but fatigue really knocked me the hell out! :/

I seriously don't even know how it happened. One minute i was lying in bed, gearing up to write my blog and the next i was waking up...severely disappointed in myself. I think maybe i didn't realize just how tired i was. Oh well... i can't rewrite the past...all i can do is do better in the future. I finally broke down and got a plan phone...my babe is not pleased but i reassured him that it was reasonably priced... and i think he is warming to the idea. I just can't do pre-paid...it's a real drag. To me...this is worth 40-60 bucks a month. It is a decent phone...i guess i like it. It isn't my dream phone...but i knew i couldn't afford that. I am actually writing this entry on my new phone...downloaded the app. I am very happy to be employed,despite the sacrifices and setbacks. Having some form of income is a lot better than being broke. I am thankful to God for the blessings he has given me. I hope to one day be able to thank him in a real way.  I will start a poem soon, seems like i never have anything interesting to blog about.

                 How Do I Inspire?

It is so much more than to aspire to reach someone.

To catch that inner fire that sparks a flame of inspiration, before your life is done.

I want to influence people in a positive way before i expire.

To touch live through my art is my truest desire.

No matter what i do i can't shake this need.

To provoke thought and action, only i don't think i have the ability to plant that seed.

Okay so i've done it and now soon i will post what i've typed up.I hope that it is enjoyed. Although i wouldn't want to know if it isn't. I am too sensitive to take criticism of my work. I guess it's the leo on me. I would love accolades though...smh lol I really need to learn to at least accept constructive criticism. I just want people to think i'm. Great writer. I wanna be on Maya Angelou's level. That is a very tough, very impossible act to folow though. As always, thanks so much for the reads.

                          Blessings, Chelle <3

77th Day of 2015 and i am gonna go ahead and do this before i either forget or go to sleep.

It has been a pretty good day off. Relaxing...for the most part. Somethings didn't happen that i wanted to happen...but such as life...well...my life anyways. I can't really complain though my life is a vast improvement from how things used to be...all thanks to the Lord
Almighty. I am so grateful and aside from a loving God i owe my recent blessings to those i love and who love me back. The people i wish i was surrounded by 24/7. My favorites in the world know who they are so i am not gonna name names. Without them, i probably would've ended it all after my grandmother went onto glory. I am certain of something that i wasn't a year ago. Whatever mess you're in ...there is always a way out. You just need to make the effort to pull yourself out of the muck. It isn't easy...but once results are seen it is worth it. Currently writing this blog up while laying in a pool of my own sweat in bed... :/ lol it is gonna be a hellish...no air conditioned summery future for me...ugh!!! I already thought i told ya'll i couldn't stand extremes from both spectrums...cold and warm weather. It is literally horrible to me how florida weather can get. i swear i will be so glad when i can finally be rid of this phpne...smh...lost valuable blogging time becausebitvdecide to freeze up multiple times... :/ I only probably only have time to come up with a poem. Well i guess i should start now.

                Without That Something

Life seems so unappealing
without that something

Nothing is fulfilling
Without that something

It is drab with no feeling
Without that something

It makes the world seem brighter
Everything is simply right...er

Oh the joy it can bring
That very special something

Okay i am done, i don'tvrely on length of poem anymore. I know i prpbably should but nowadays i am way to strapped for time to worry about that. I did my best. Thanks and appreciation goes to my readers as usual.

                                  Blessings, Chelle <3

76th Day of 2015 and i am effing up...big time.

I hate how physically and mentally draining my job can be...I went down for what was sposed to be a nap...but i slept a huge chunk of the rest of my day away. I got tomorrow off so it makes up for it a little but i'm upset atmyself because i didn't get to bug my babe... :/ I am trying my damndest to crank out a little sumthin sumthin for tonight's entry but i am epically failing at that too if i admit it to myself... :/ Iwill do better tomorrow. I am determined not to let my occupation suck the rest of my life away... it isn't fair to me or to the people i love. I will attempt a mini poem tonight if time permits. I am so pissed at myself smh...oh well.

                         Ireland Luck

I had the luck of the irish though i didn't wear green.

How that luck will serve me is yet to be seen.

I am drained more than i've ever been.

Just wish i had more time at my dispense and energy on my team.

Welp yeah so...that sucked...but it is all i could think up in such a limited times frame. As always big thanks to all who read. I am sorry it is so short.

                                Blesssings, Chelle <3

75th Day of 2015 and i am really trying hard to regain my writer's mojo back.

It hasn't been easy. I don't imagine it will get much easier. I am dedicated to trying with all of the strength of my efforts to get back at it. I even started a bit ahead of schedule so that i have more time to spend on this entry.I can't wait to get paid. Hopefully i will have made enough to get a phone plan from metro pcs. I would go for cricket..check them out...but where i live currently there isn't one. I just hope to get a decent phone. I won't shoot for my dream phone because i would only be deluding myself.  I just need a plan...pre-paid just isn't my cup of tea. I am so grateful that i now have a somewhat stable income coming in. Means i can do things i once thought impossible. I have work early tomorrow and honestly i am not to enthused. lol I think my fatigue is setting in. I am gonna look into vites. I truly need them. I am tired of feeling drained. I am determined not to go to a doctor though...not gonna waste my money. I wish it wasn't so hard to  write. To think of something not boring or stupid. I am failing big time. Poetry corner is impending though. Maybe i can think up something brilliant so that this entry of mine can be redeemed. I just need to do this poem real quick because i am running out of words.

                             In Me

You remain...in me.

Can't forget you.

You are buried deep.

I am constantly remind of your presence.

Even though all that is left is the phantom of you.

I'll never escape the strength of your essence.

That was it...all i got ya'll I hooe you all enjoy reading. All 2 of you. lol It is because of ya'll i can't give up. This writing thing can be hard.

                                Blessings, Chelle <3